Daily Fishing and Outdoor Report

Wednesday, July 07, 2010: The winds are kinda gamey today. Beginning the day out of the west, the winds have taken a jog to the north and have even gotten temporarily gusty – not for long, though. U…

Wednesday, July 07, 2010:

The winds are kinda gamey today. Beginning the day out of the west, the winds have taken a jog to the north and have even gotten temporarily gusty – not for long, though. Unlike summers past, the winds will remain a major NON-factor. This utterly pleases boat anglers – and especially charters and headboats. Offshore fishing will be a breeze getting out, though overly glassy conditions might hurt trolling a bit. Speaking of big game fishing, there are bft and even yft in close, seemingly chasing very large sand eel balls. Birds, fish and even whales are marking the forage.

While fluke fishing is the same as it always is for boaters – loads of fish few take-homes -- an amazing beachside run of nice flatties is showing. Some surfcasters have landed up to a dozen fluke -- when not even targeting them. Those folks actually thinking fluke are using chartreuse GULP! on jigheads. They’re doing quite well mid-Island and down off BH. However, there isn’t a jetty area on LBI that isn’t holding a quota of fluke. There are even fluke away from jetties, mainly in slews and turnouts.

The main down side to this surfside fluke showing is the number of folks catching them while fully clueless of the regs. I had two emails from folks seeing very small fluke flapping on the sand near angling daytrippers and weekend warriors (during holiday weekend). A polite explaining of the regs might work, but, as I’ve repeatedly noted in here, I’ve gotten out of the spontaneous enforcement business. I’m just too inclined to go ballistic —even to the point of duking it out – should things get really ugly. Not worth it.

Bluefish are bouncing back on-scene, after slowing down a bit.

Air temps and ozone levels remain dangerous. Obviously we’re not feeling it as much on LBI but there have been some heat stroke and heat exhaustion cases even here.

Heat silliness: It’s late morning, temperatures toying with 100, and I’m slowly driving Ocean Boulevard in Brant Beach, my AC straining for all it’s worth. Unbelievably, for as far as my eye can see, people are jogging, mainly women. The strain is frighteningly obvious on the faces of these eager beavers. They are so red in the cheeks that odd-shaped patches of white have started to form, likely due to the skin being unsure what to do after it reaches a shade known in artistic circles as “critically crimson.”

It quickly hits me, this must be the new Heat Stroke Diet I read about – a follow-up to the banned Keel Over Dead Diet, which was highly touted by funeral home directors feeling the crunch of longevity drugs.

If I recall right, the Heat Stroke Diet is a low-carb, low-brain weigh-loss program that directs you to run – or even walk briskly -- through intolerably torrid conditions, until your body’s vital internal fluids crystallize and the last of your electrolytes have given up the spark.

This diet is working on all eight cylinders when you are either overtaken by an irresistible urge to slip into a coma or you’ve fallen to the street, where you sit cross-legged on the scalding asphalt, tearfully acknowledging the incredibly kind celery seeds you’ve known in your life.

The actual weigh-loss benefits kicks in when you’re rushed to the hospital, where you’re intensively cared for via intravenous food and water -- for touch-and-go days on end. By the time you’re finally released, say a week or ten days, you’ve lost an amazing 25 pounds (!) and look great – albeit while being pushed along in a wheelchair. When you can finally stand long enough to dress yourself, you’ll easily fit into those vintage summer blue jeans.

As the creator of the Heat Stoke Diet says, “This is the hottest thing going. I’m so sure you’ll like my Heat Stroke Diet book and ‘hospital stay’ kit that I’ll allow you to buy a second book any time you want.”

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