jaymanntoday

Daily Fishing and Outdoor Report

 

 8:15 and it sure seems the hurricane has commenced to hittin’, though not quite playing hardball.

 

For the first time, my third-floor windows are creaking and bulging a bit. The rain is hitting so hard it sound like BBs. (“You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.”)

 

I’m also hearing the start of those random clunks and knocks somewhere out there, as whatevers blow into other whatevers.

 

It’s a bloody shame this is going to be a nighttime affair.

 

((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))

Cane Email:

“Mr. Jay, We are evacuated at the school. My mom said I could send you an email to ask you where the birds all go when a hurricane comes.”

 

They go crazy.

 

Just kidding – but only a little bit. There might be nothing worse for birds than hurricanes – though DDT ain’t so great either (and don’t say “ain’t”) They can barely fly because of the wind and, worse, they really can’t eat the way they need to. Birds have to eat a lot, and often – just like many of my friends, but we won’t go there right now.

 

As to where birds actually stay during wicked weather, the ground is a first choice for larger birds, including almost all gulls.

 

Right now, the many sedge islands in the bay are all but covered with cowering gulls. Sadly, the rising flood tides will eat the islands and drive the gulls into the air. Seeing its night – an odd choice of words on my part --  many flushed birds will run into, uh, very bad air experiences. Your mom can explain that euphemistic wording.

 

Smaller birds have it a lot easier. They find cuddly cubbyholes, hide inside and openly discuss if this insane storm has something to do with the reversal of planetary polarity. Birds are much smarter than you think, despite being stuck with the “birdbrain” label. Mom will also explain that reversed polarity thing.

 

Not to worry, most of your favorite birds will back to their established pecking order come Monday -- though you might not want to look too hard at what has collected in gutters and sewer grates.

 

(Why do I think this might be the last email mom ever let’s her send to me?)

 

I DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ ANEMOMETER:

I have no wind gauge during this storm. However, there is one very scientific way to determine how hard the wind is blowing.

 

Using a blue waterproof ink pen, I draw a base water level line inside the toilet. I then carefully observe the water level and determine how much it begins rocking, technically known as escalated sloshing action (ESA).

 

Using a green pen, I adroitly mark the high slosh points (HSPs). Next to each HSP, I use a fine indelible black ink pen to write down data, detailing the measurements I have taken between the base blue line (BBL) and the slosh points, to establish the aqueous differential attitude (ADA). The higher the ADA, the greater the wind-induced ESA.

 

Using a supremely simple equation: ADA = BBL/ESA minus HSP (carry the 5). I then bar graph the ADAs on the underside of the toilet lid. During a hurricane, I sometimes have to carry the graphing from the under side of the toilet lid and onto the toilet seat itself. I can even extrapolate the seriousness of a given storm by the graphic coverage of the toilet seat. “Damned if this blow isn’t a three-quarter seater,” etc.

It’s all good science.

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